MENDING TROUBLED RELATIONSHIPS
Most of our hurt and frustrations in life come
from troubled relationships. It’s true when we have difficulties with our
parents, our spouse or children, with siblings, neighbors and even with friends
and work associates. Troubled relationships can be the collective thorn in our
sides throughout life, causing unbearable amounts of pain, stress, loneliness
and devastation. Usually we view our contribution to the trouble as minimal,
and we easily justify our side of the situation and our subsequent reactions.
And in addition, adding even more fuel to the
fire, we maximize the other party’s guilt! Many times even fabricating great
fictional stories, reading more from in between the lines than the actual
words, turning molehills into Everest’s. And to what end? To the end of
maintaining our pride. To the end of holding on to the hurt and pain and
devastation month after month, year after year. To the end of protecting those
sacred mantras of: “I’m right and you’re wrong!” and “I’m good and you’re bad!”
and “I’m an understanding person and you’re incredibly stubborn!”
So, what’s a better solution? The solution may
not be easy, but it’s certainly easier than the consequences of holding on to
years of troubled relationships. We have to swallow our pride, humble ourselves
and assume the entire blame for our hurting relationships! Only then can
complete healing begin to occur and eventually our soured relationships can
thrive beyond measure.
But it takes incredible humility and faith.
Something most of us find tremendously hard to do. Accepting all of the
responsibility may not seem fair, but it's not about being fair, it's about
mending, building and maintaining thriving relationships. Ultimately, we have
to make a critical choice ― would we rather be right or would we rather be
loved?
It's amazing how many of us and how many times we
would rather be right! And the terrible result is continuing those unhealthy
damaged and broken relationships. So, sadly we sit in misery, but full of pride
and let the years roll by.
If it was about being fair, the Savior would have
never come to earth. But He did. And amazingly, He took responsibility for 100%
of the blame ― every sin or thought about sin that would ever be committed.
Incredibly, He deserved none of it, 0% of the blame. So why did He do it? One
reason I believe is that He wanted the relationship more than He cared about
what was fair, or more than He cared about who was to blame. He wanted love
more than He wanted to be right! Perhaps that's why we are reminded in the
scriptures that we are less than the dust of the earth (Hel. 12:7). It takes an
uncommon humility to accept that kind of blame, and to totally bury our pride.
But when we do, oh how our relationships can thrive!
And when we do, hold on, because we're going to
experience love in our lives like we've never experienced it before.
Kind of makes total sense that “God is love” (1
John 4:8).
_______________________________________________________________
Wm. Calvin Hughes
March 15, 2014 – Lake Elsinore, California
Dedicated to my dad, William "Bill"
Evans Hughes
in commemoration of his birthday March 15, 1940
We miss you so much dad!
Have you ever read The Peacegiver by James L. Farrell? Subtitled "How Christ Offers to Heal Our Hearts and Homes" He uses the examples of Jonah sitting under the gourd and Abigail offering to take on herself David's anger so that he won't sin in attacking her husband Nabal. When I first read it, it made me feel like to follow it I had to stretch myself and grow like a rubber band pulled taut. It was soul wrenching because of my pride. It helped me in my relationships tremendously. The innocence of the Lord is as a child and he, still without resentment or pride took upon himself our punishment. What Love!
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